Bumper Stickers
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic
Yes, Jesus is coming ... everyone look busy
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke
Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe
To all you virgins thanks for nothing
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing
My kid had sex with your honor student
Earth first...we'll mine the other planets later
How can I be overdrawn, I still have checks!
Jesus loves you ... everyone else thinks you're an asshole
I'm just driving this way to piss you off
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
Keep honking, I'm reloading
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools
I don't have to be dead to donate my organ
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let him sleep
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather ... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car
God must love stupid people, he made so many
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen
The gene pool could use a little chlorine
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine
It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you
I took an IQ test and the results were negative
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better
Give me ambiguity or give me something else
Elvis is dead, and I'm not feeling too good myself
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse
A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes
Consciousness: that annoying time between mental lapses
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home
3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'...'till you can find a rock
Sex on television can't hurt you unless you fall off
Why settle for a floppy disk when you can have a hard drive
So many idiots, so few bullets
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